Perspective...

I went searching for it lastnight. Thankfully I knew how to look in the right place ~ the Word. I went to a new favorite website: Bible Gateway. On this site, you can do all kinds of different Bible searches, choose your translation, etc. I did a keyword search for every reference to hope and to fear in the NIV. What I came up with is more than 50 pages of scripture references.

So, I began reading through the list of scriptures about hope, and I noticed a few things. Particularly in the Psalms, but also true elsewhere, the phrases that kept repeating are 'hope... in your unfailing love' and seperately 'I put my hope in your word.' This was impactful to me, and especially obvious when reading through the list.

Isn't God just SO good to us? I began my search with a few sentences in my journal, asking God to show me how to find hope and how to cast out fear. I met the answer to my first question almost right away.

Why should I have hope? Because the God who holds the universe in place loves me. And just now as I write, that truth crashes into another thing I know which is that perfect love casts out fear. So, all at once I get the answer to my issues with fear and hope! I have HOPE, because of God's unfailing and perfect love for me. And since love casts out fear, how much more effective must God's unfailing love be at driving fear away? What an incredible circle....Praise God!

My search lastnight ended with a passage I had never read in my NLT Study Bible. Some of the words are familiar; but the impact is great:

"The thought of my suffering and homelessness is bitter beyond words.
I will never forget this awful time, as I grieve over my loss.
Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this:

The faithful love of the LORD never ends!
His mercies never cease.
Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning.
I say to myself, "The LORD is my inheritance, therefore I will hope in him!

For no one is abandoned by the Lord forever.
Though he brings grief, he also shows compassion because of the greatness of his unfailing love."

~ Lamentations 3:19-24, 31-32. (emphases mine.)

Two ways to think about it...

I've got something on my mind and I've been thinking about how to explain for the past few days. I've been thinking about what it means and how it feels to be coming up on 2 years since I was diagnosed with breast cancer. The way I see it, there are two different approaches.

Some people feel like their diagnosis is like an earthquake. It shakes their world; but they deal with it and as they slowly creep out from the epicenter, they walk stronger and straighter as they get further out. There is a relief and return to even a new normal that comes as they expand the distance between the "now" and their D-day. For these people, there is celebration in marking another year past diagnosis.

Others look on their diagnosis like a mortar shell. It explodes and shakes their foundation; but they ride it out and watch the sky for 'incoming'. For these, the distance from 'ground zero' isn't such a comfort. They tiptoe out from that distinct point, wondering how far they'll get into their new reality before another shell hits. That's the thing about mortars, they're rarely isolated.

I've begun to realize that I'm the second type of person. I am able to celebrate the fact that today there is no known cancer in my body, and I do thank God for this. Still, it's almost as though the longer this is true, the closer I am to recurrence. I expect it. The problem is, that's no way to live: on heightened alert, and in fear each day of having your world blown apart again. Can you ride it out once again or will it be your undoing? And where did all that faith you called upon the first time around disappear to?

What I'm sure of is that God doesn't want me to be afraid. He has not given me a spirit of fear. At the same time, He also never promised that the things I'm most afraid of wouldn't happen, and that scares me. Inside my mind faith and fear are at war. My heart is torn, and I get lost sometimes. Still, my God gently reminds me to believe Him. I need to remember the Truth that was so real to me when my ears were still ringing from the blast. I want to believe fully. Bigger. Deeper. Completely.

A Family Outing

We finally managed to all be in the same place long enough to take a bike ride together!! We are all a little tired and crabby now; but it was really alot of fun!

Family Time

Do any of you have a hard time finding something to do as a family together? Last year we began camping, and we still like that idea; but what about on a more day-to-day basis? Well, after much deliberation and analyzation, we decided on biking! The kids already had bikes, so it was just a matter of biting the bullet to get them for Kevin and me. Today, we did it!! I'm so excited.

Mine is a Huffy Cranbrook Cruiser... it is loaded with retro charm. She's light blue and white with a basket to put on the front. Kevin's is a more contemporary looking road bike with fast tires and a sleek body.

Watch for posts about our new adventures!!