It's VBS week at church - yay! Happily, I am able to be a helper for the preschool group leaders. Mostly I'm just a "go-fer"... but I enjoy making it easier for others and just being generally helpful. At the same time, I'm tired! It's good exercise for me, running around church for a variety of reasons. The kids are having a great time, and it feels good to do something "normal."
I had a Herceptin infusion this afternoon. They were kind enough on Gonda 10 to allow me to come in at 3pm instead of my scheduled 9am appointment. This meant I got to go to the first day of VBS instead of having Kevin fill in for me. Anyhow, it was - strangely - nice to be up there again. I know that must seem so strange. It's not as though I WANT to do chemotherapy again - never ever, thank you very much - but I guess I feel a little more sure of who I am and what I'm doing up there than I do in most other settings. Hmmm... sounds like there's some processing to do, huh?
3 comments:
M,
Seems to me that the processing you are going through is very normal and healthy. I can not imagine what this whole ordeal has done to create what seems like an ever shifting identity.
Perhaps "shifting" is not the best word, maybe I should say "growing". Growth due to how you had to deal with drastic changes of context, certainly it was a drastic change of context when you got diagnosed with cancer.
Perhaps what you are going through now can be compared to the process you guys and other missionaries have experienced going between different cultures. The shock of going to a new country and culture is somewhat expected, you prepare for it as much as you can and you even expect their to be some bumps along the way and give yourself room to make an adjustment.
However, I have heard that often times missionaries are not as prepared for the culture shock of coming home- it may not even seem like home anymore and usually isn't expected. I can imagine it would be easy to think that returning to a precious context would be easy, that you could just slip back into an old life. But that is just it, you simply are not the same person anymore so even an "old life" is something new to adjust to.
So it makes sense to me that after making chemotherapy part of your life's culture for so long it would be odd to move on without it.
Ok, my "expertise" on being a missionary and what it is like to deal with the reality of cancer falls far short compared you your experience, but from here it seems to me that you all are navigating these things well; I am sure with the help of our Lord.
So I think you are in a good place, processes and all. I am reminded of what Karrie just recently blogged about concerning processes. That on the first 5 days God was creating the world he called each day and what he made "good", even though the whole process wasn't complete until after the 6th day. Sounds to me like the place you are in is good even as you continue to work through it.
Peace and love through Christ,
James
oops, "precious context" in the 4th paragraph of my comment should have been "previous context"- as precious as it might have been.
peace,
James
Hey my dear friend, I so understand you! Not from the same perspective but from the wife, husband perspective and total family changes. I pray that God will show you new ways of life, family life and just the whole world around you. He will give you peace that will open totally different perspectives on life now! We love you so much and would love to see you! Who knows? God has awesome ways! Big hugs to everyone at home! Love, Armie
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